Pray for Humility

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advanced for us to do."
Ephesians 2: 8-10

Today I realized how important it is to be meek. Meekness, not weakness, but strength under control. All my life, it seems as if I have been taught to be assertive, aggressive, to pursue whatever I want or need to the best of my ability. Sometimes I think I get lost in that. I forget to slow down, to take time to think before I act or speak. And then I get brash. I tear down. And even though I intend to do otherwise, I fail to encourage or build up.

A teacher of mine once told me that the ends justify the means. But more and more I feel like...what end is there, that you could achieve, that is desirable and beneficial for all, that could be justified by any means necessary? Maybe it isn't all about the end-point, but the process. Seeing that we're all works in progress, it's all about how we develop, how we pick up those soft skills, the intangible things that direct us, shape us into what we are, guide our thoughts and our actions. I suppose I'm thinking about all this because I wonder how I will dispense care as a doctor in future. In my haste to make sense of things, to intervene and to treat, where will I slow down to care for a patient? Or when I work with a colleague? When will I stop being so concerned with the things that do not have feelings?

1 Peter 5:5 says that God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. He knows that we require humility in order to admit that we are unable to deal with sin and its effects on our own, and that we need a Saviour. Only in humility are we able to fully embrace what God has offered to us - Salvation, His power, a relationship with Him.

Lord, let me not be proud, that I will not be a stumbling block to those around me, and to myself.

Query : Life

I am suddenly burdened by what I've been doing these past few months, or perhaps longer. Sometimes, I look at other people, and am amazed at the things they engage themselves in, with the time that they have. And then I realize, that the time that we have, is exactly the same. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week, and so on. And time, as we grow older, seems to be picking up the pace, even accelerating, perhaps because experience results in routine, the rendering of new tasks or challenges into the simple humdrum activity that we face everyday, so much so that we are no longer stimulated the way we used to be, even if we are still equally occupied, and time moves on. I suppose the crux of all this, is that I wonder if I have been making use of my time properly.

Part of me feels like every moment of every day should be spent doing something constructive, self-improving, learning, building myself up. But by what measure? Maybe I could console myself, because I know that we are not meant to gather treasures for ourselves here on Earth, but as we live as He wants us to, we are gathering up for ourselves treasures in Heaven. But am I living like He wants me to? Am I seeking Him with all my heart? I have my lapses. I wish I could be certain. I wish I had more faith.

"But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

I wish I had more drive, more passion, more initiative, a greater curiosity that would propel me to become more inquisitive, to be more thorough with the things that I did - more productive. Thats the word I was looking for. Am I enjoying myself enough when I intend to? Am I learning enough when I study? Am I focused enough to identify my failings and driven enough convert ignorance to knowledge? Knowledge to skill? Skill to success? Hm. Or am I looking at things the wrong way? Haha. argh.

I've taken to saying this more and more often : If in doubt, pray.
Then again, if anything, and I really mean anything, pray.

Thats the only answer that I have to anything. So far.