Status Quo.

It's such a relief that everything has come back to normal. That's one less undesirable derangement to deal with. And speaking of derangements, I feel like Life, which is dynamic, always in a constant flux of change, can be likened to the body, with so many homeostatic mechanisms set in place. It reveals the fundamental principle that in everything that we are and in everything that we do, each quality or characteristic has some sort of reference range or baseline. Leads me to think about how we're always routinely engaged in the things that we do, or routinely concerned about the things that we are engaged in. Perhaps, because thats how each of us are defined, by our habits and our routines, and how we're willing to take each quality within us, to the limits.

So how does change take place? The change must be gradual, overlapping with that reference range within us to some degree, and slowly, in time, edging itself further into our zone of acceptance, or zone of comfort, until finally, it's so strongly established in us, lying in the box of our lives, and perhaps, broadening our horizons, prompting us to be receptive to further change. And so we adapt.

But if that change does not lie within our acceptable limits, or comes on too quickly, too strongly for it's reception, we tend to reject it. However, there is still the possibility that the initial 'insult', however large or alien it was, will prepare us for future attempts at receiving and adapting to such a change. Hm.

Whoa, ok. Enough of that. I'm gonna make hotdogs for dinner. Yum.

Reprieve.

Another week passes, another storm strikes, it seems. And I think the worst of it has passed, provided insurance comes up with nothing else to confound or to compound. It was a little difficult, trying to manage these things knowing so little about insurance or repairs or whatever, having to call back and forth to query, clarify and confirm, and while trying to keep my composure, for the purpose of my education.

And all the while I keep thinking, of what God is trying to tell me. What lessons there are to learn. Why all this might have happened. What I did or didn't do, that made a difference. I think I could piece out why.

"Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance."

Liberation Front.

Freedom - A state of liberty, an exemption from external control or influence. Also, the state I feel like I'm in right now, albeit transiently. Even the knowledge that only a weekend separates my surgical and medical postings isn't enough to stop me from feeling so. For tonight, even if its just one night, I shall allow myself to be naive, nonchalant, unattached, removed from worry, to feel free. To enjoy today totally. Entirely. I don't think I ever feel this way. I wonder why, now.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own.

Tomorrow, I'll pick robbins up again. Tomorrow, I'll think about what's ahead, whats required of me, and the scope of it all. Tomorrow, I'll (I hope) plan how I want to learn, how I want to build a framework and structure for myself, and for the rest of the team. Hm. Let's hope my resolve doesnt dissolve.

Oh, a nice line I came across in my QT: How do we survive as Christians in a rough and tumble world? By showing that - Meekness is not weakness, but strength under control - Steel character covered with velvet.

In other news, I bid farewell to AH today. Didn't get to thank most of our doctors personally, except for Paul. Hm. Another end of another beginning. Alright, my brain function is dropping drastically. Ciao.

A New Creation.

Time has flown by, and here I am, contemplating the last day of my surgical posting at AH tomorrow. I wonder when it'll hit me, and if I'll miss what AH had to offer, the people, the experiences, its environment, the long-stayers, and the most of all, the few patients who made an impression on me, because of their attitudes against seemingly insurmountable odds. God bless them.

This week started horribly. Anyone who wonders how horrible, may refer to Emily's blog, specifically, her very..hm..descriptive and explicit work of poetry. So yes, AH doesn't offer the best teaching, I really hope I don't end up there again. PLEASE. Especially for ortho, please please please. God help me.

Imagine our shock, when our student co-ordinator, who happens to be a clinician who already didnt rub off very well on most of us, decided to unload a whole load of crap on us on monday. We'd already gone through several changes concerning what was required of us for the posting, and it's not as if we hadn't been asking, that shithole, and the deans office, decided to lay it on us, in the last week of our posting no less. Brilliant.

I won't go through the details here, it'd just infuriate me again. But yeah, that was enough to piss me off for 2 whole days. Then came wednesday, that day of days, it was a complete reversal of mood and attitude. We got to scrub in for an orchidectomy, tried stuff I've never tried before, got all the info I needed for my 2nd case write-up, got assessed by one of the nicest tutors we've ever had(it seemed like a tutorial at times), it was an extremely fulfilling day. All of a sudden, we were in the eye of the storm, that place of greatest calm, after having waded through the thickest bits of it. All the hassle and trouble seemed to be at an end.

And I suddenly felt inspired...and relieved at the same time. But so much for inspiration, coz I really didn't do anything in the hospital today, other than attempt to butter up and draw blood from a young girl my age. Haha. The attempt succeeded by the way, er, for the blood la. Then I thought, and was amazed at the beauty of language (this is COMPLETELY random by the way), and how words seem so magical, and when weaved together into a perfectly intertwined matrix, are able to potray any abstract concept, any complex object, anything, in any way, if we only held the power to wield them appropriately.

It reminded me of my obsession with stories and fantasy. Because words hardly get in the way there, they aren't bound by the physical, or the laws of nature and science, but only by one's imagination and capability. The possibilities are Endless. Thats why I like the concept of the Dream King so much, because in that idea lies all the beauty and power of creativity. The idea that there are no boundaries or limitations in the world of dreams and story, but yet there is structure to the chaos. A hiearchy of sorts, that defines and empowers each of our own desires to contribute to that world, in whatever way we choose to express ourselves.

Alright, thats enough madness for the night. May the last day of AH surg, prove to be one that grants us closure for the 8 weeks that we spent there, being bees to the flowers, clown fish to the corals, students to the patients. Haha. Amen.

Hello. Goodbye.

" If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects , always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails."

1 Corinthians 13 : 1-8 (I cut off a bit of 8)

Zip left us today, after being warded at the animal clinic since tuesday. We decided that she'd deteriorated pretty quickly, and was probably too far gone for intervention to be of any help. I saw her yesterday, she could still wag her tail, stand, walk, though she kept her head lowered. Her eyes no longer retained the spark they used to hold. I'd always thought her eyes made her look so human, it was why I talked to her sometimes. They just seemed to breach the barrier that withheld understanding.

She couldn't stand when we saw her today. Not without my propping her up. And even then, she struggled to stay upright. Her hindlegs just gave way. She'd just lay there, motionless, save for her laboured breathing, and her occasional glances to the side. She hardly raised her head to look at us. She was probably too nauseated, or in too much pain. She gave us glimmers of hope, when she attempted to rise, or when propped up, tried to take steps. But she just looked too weak. We didn't want her to suffer.

I almost teared as I watched the vet inject the anaesthetic...and then the excessive dose of some kind of GA to let her go. She was still moving after the LA went in, but I didn't want to complain. Then she lay completely still after the 2nd jab. Thats when it hurt the most. The vet said she'd gone, after listening to her heart. I tried closing her eyes, but they wouldn't stay closed. We stood there for awhile, silent and in thought, hoping we'd done the right thing. Well, at least she's no longer suffering.

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I was driving home from church today. And I saw something extremely strange. I was in the right-most lane, and just on my right would be the road divider, with the standard green fence, and some hedges around it. So yeah, I was driving, and I saw, a girl, sitting in the hedges, on the edge of the divider, her feet and knees just inches away from the cars that passed her by. She looked like she was on the phone. Heck I dont even know why I'm talking about this, it was just incredibly weird. Maybe she needed help, if not physically, emotionally. I wonder what would make a person sit in that most precarious of positions, exposing herself to dangers just inches away. I wonder how long she was sitting there. Hm.

Hopes and Fears.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10: 23-25

Hm..Words escape me tonight.

Vietshots.

Us at the budget terminal. Em, guess who took this for us. Haha

Our first dinner in Hanoi
One of the many Pagodas in Vietnam + sweltering heat = No no.

Caves at Perfume Pagoda, this rock represented prosperity, I think.

The spread at Pane e Vino! 7USD italian all-u-can-eat, which wasn't bad.

We got used to crossing the road in those conditions. Just don't make any sudden moves.

Ho Chi Minh's Mausoleum, where we were amazed at the crowds, and as usual, entertaining ourselves with our cameras.

Ditto.

Amazed by tracks in the middle of nowhere.

The Temple of Literature,i realize, im not showing much of it. haha.

There.

Our hilarious cyclos ride, yup, I'm on Zj. hahaha.

Fastfood, with nice ice cold drinks, and nicer door girls.

Halong Bay

Ahem. Their proud Phallic symbol.

An overview of the Halong Caves.

New found friends. Guess who zj "likes"?! Hahaha.

Ho Chi Minh's high school. You can tell I'm getting a bit tired of this.

Graduation shots

Ok, thats all for now folks!